The Three Circles
The Three Circles is a tool we use to define our sexual sobriety. We organize our behaviors according to whether they are addictive, healthy, or somewhere in between.
You don’t need to have your circles worked out perfectly. What is important is that you get them down on paper as soon as possible. By becoming accountable to a recovery plan, you will become more aware of what it means to be powerless over the addiction.
Inner Circle
These are compulsive sexual behaviors from which we choose to abstain completely. We are powerless over these behaviors, and they lead to pain and suffering. They create a drug-like state that alters our thinking. They can make us a danger to ourselves or others.
Outer Circle
These are recovery tools and healthy alternative activities that enhance our lives, our recovery, and our spiritual connection. I also think of outer circle as your recovery plan. While the Inner Circle relates to behaviors that keep us in isolation and fantasy, the Outer Circle refers to behaviors that help keep us engaged with other people and with reality.
Middle Circle
These are behaviors that are much less destructive and much lower in intensity. They do not cause as much unmanageability in our lives. However, if practiced repeatedly, they can lead us back to the Inner Circle. Some members also use the Middle Circle to place behaviors about which they are uncertain.
Hot Take
Many find that establishing their Three Circles provides a feeling of relief. It’s like a map to help us be clear about where we have been, where we are, and where we are going. Maintaining a strong outer circle helps us avoid all inner and middle circle activity. Some even write their circles on a small piece of paper to carry with them throughout the day. Find what works and put it to work!